“Yeah and could you send my resume to the right people? I’m sure someone would listen to someone like you.”
Audrey closed her book and raised her eyebrows with a contemptuous smile, “Oh, this is rich. So I remember posting advertisements everywhere when I was starting out with this science for open office hours. I knew exactly the same amount of information…maybe a little messier, but still the same expert. Then I distinctly remember you were a part of that group that defaced my posters with the male experience. You even told your obedient girlfriends that I was a nail salon because why would a woman even have a single thought in their head that wasn’t catering to your comfort? I’m sure you’ve brainwashed them enough that they think women like that don’t even exist. In summary, if you send your resume I will walk in tomorrow’s thunderstorm and terrestrial downpour to ensure I arrive to the library as soon as possible to print out your sorry excuse for viability. I will promise to keep it in a waterproof sleeve in my bag that costs more than your rent.” Via’s eyes started to light up as even this was slightly insulting, it seemed as confirmation that Audrey would keep the resume safe and present it to the hiring team.
Audrey continued, “In that bag, I will use my large umbrella and make haste to the mall that is properly covered. It is a longer walk, yet this is SO IMPORTANT TO ME. I will march on to my home where I carefully dry my clothes to ensure that no drop of water lands on your precious chance at a change in your fates. I will place it on my clean impeccable desk and make a call to Gabriella and Faith along with even Peter. We will have a dinner where I get them in a good mood for all the wonderful innovative research I have come up with in under a month. We will retire to the fire to discuss the upcoming hire schedule and plan.”
Via continued to nod with eagerness and relief, “I will pour a glass of the finest wine for them and leave them in joyful conversation as I fetch your summary of life as you found no other value elsewhere…clearly.” She looked up and down at this sorry excuse for a human. At this point Via is beaming despite the insults. It was payment enough to pay for her escape of the abyss. “I will bring the resume over to the parlor, walk up to the fire, tell the party that these particular resumes contained fabricated information and my hand will just…slip. The ashes will be great for our barbecue the next day so thank you for that. I really appreciate you finally taking the time to visit my office hours.”
The light left Via’s eyes as if a dark film had been placed over her. Audrey shut the door with gusto and vigor. “I love helping people.” Audrey smiled.
Lots of Honey 