I’ve had worse

“I forgot the other thing I was thinking about while I was listening to WAOLOM? It was thundering there was faci in the air with a little ism. I can no longer fish in the pond that advertised that that was part of the amenity bill. I tell the people next door passive aggressively to not smoke since that was also advertised in my lease. They do not listen so I have an air purifier. When I smell the smoke though I turn up Allyson Gust and the rest are blue haired women making music good again. Somehow good again can’t even be used I have a distaste in my mouth that I have to say music once more. My life is getting better, but is it really? The freedoms that I once held dear and for granted are slowly fading away into the fog.” Audrey shifted in her chair. “Then at the break room a man was giving me advice on how to succeed in the workplace. It was valid and frank advice. Of course someone made sure it was fine with me, but honestly so long as they aren’t picking out the imaginary baby clothes in their head while they talk to me thinking that my only use is to do that then I’m good. That’s when I’m livid. Those women know how to puppeteer to act like it’s not an offense and that since I’m the one who doesn’t play into their daydream then I’m psycho. There’s not enough pastel in the world to hide that to me.” She tilted her head back to think, “Then there is some contest that is much larger by the end of July 31st, which is ironic since that book character’s author is exiled for their miserable opinions. Everyone and everything has time for me except my ability to express myself. It’s more important I go to a stranger’s bridal shower than think and feel for myself. I need to listen to Allyson Gust as it’s the govvvy approved musician I guess I’ll just have some mint with that. Oh to be rich so I don’t actually rely on the opinions of these vultures. What would it take to achieve these dreams? To grasp at what I fathom in the darkest starlight? Maybe that’s a little snobbish, but who am I to judge the snobs when they are simply trying to express a unique thought. All I want is to be compelling. That I go through my life and wonder why my words suddenly have weight to others. They certainly didn’t a few years ago. Maybe I’m more bold and maybe I’m more polished, but I really don’t think so. And even if that’s true, why does the polishing of words influence the decision so much? My imperfect words are still as valid as the politician’s answer. You see where I stand at much more precision than the latter. It’s good to be recognized, but I don’t feel that much different than the person I was…just with more resources and currency. I’ve always viewed myself as a peer, but others acknowledging my value somehow gets everyone else to buy in. The bandwagon theory is what I’ve been fighting against for so long…maybe some people want a simpler life and it’s common nature to see other species doing something and adopt it. There must be something else you are not seeing and somehow you all won’t die. That works in moments’ notice, but a moth has been led astray before. It’s your own peril to not think untethered to the reflective screen.” Audrey sighed as she looked through the steam of the vessel. It reminded her of the fog engulfing everything she loved. There was so much faci she needed some warmth and lookism at the fire to calm her soul to keep this condescension of these past influences at bay.”